Today is the last day of 2009. I was supposed to join Farhana, Ain, Rabia & Basyir for gathering. But I didn't go, I'm so sorry guys! I'll make it up some other day alright! Then I also cancelled the thought of going to Jingyu's house. Because I'm really tired and I wanna rest today.

How will you guys be counting down to the new year. I'd wish I was out clubbing away, getting drunk because I hate 2010. (i know i've said this before) Well as usual, I'm staying at home doing nothing. No nice countdown parties because I don't have SCV or what so there's only Mediacorp's. Which sucks lah.

In the new year, I hope that I won't have any chance to emo, I won't cry, I won't think of wanting to die.... I hope that I can do well for studies, (which seriously speaking i have no motivation & mood for it, basically studying sucks big time) get good results for 'A' Levels, (who doesn't) get a job with super high pay after that, get a good life, enjoy my days with good friends.... All but just a wish.

I do not think I'd blend in well with classmates in 2010 because more strangers are joining my class next year which fucking sucks. I have always hated strangers :\ And I do think that with that, competition is heating up, I will be the bottom few for sure, get kicked out of school or whatever that is. Because I suck :(

When I first saw the class list that day, I seriously hate 1- my name 2- myself 3- the school. I'm in between 2 S2 people like wtf. Someone please kill me now. Why the fuck does my name start with a C, why the fuck am I in this horrible class, why the fuck am I in this stupid school in the first place?!

Come to think of it, I've only myself to blame. Other than blaming why do I have such parents :\ I hated life because of what I'm always going through. Life is fucking unfair to me always. I've got a terrible life. Now even my dearest grandpa has moved on in life, I've no one in the house who really supports me.

I know I still have a sister to take care of for the rest of my life, I can't crumble. But I believe, brother is the best person to take care of her. His intelligence is far above mine, he'll get a good job in the future. As for me, my only wish for the future is to have money. I haven't taken off the idea of moving out when I'm like 21.


I know I still have 1 more dream not done yet. Because there are supposed to be 3. I just know it myself. Can you let me dream of it tonight? :( Let the unfinished business of 2009 finish it once and for all.

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