It's Friday already. Time passes so quickly. This short 1 week is almost gone just like that. And I'm so not looking forward to the weekends because the moment this weekend pass, I need to face the ultimate reality. It's back to school :(

Sigh. My homework is still like, untouched. When on the whole wide world am I gonna finish doing them? Sometimes when I want to do them but I read the question and I don't know how to do, I get so depressed to face it and I turn to the net even though I didn't want to go. Quite a failure right? I know. I give up so easily. I ruined my life so many times. I so hate myself.

I don't know if I'm addicted to computer, because I have tried not having contact with computer for over a month. Somehow, as I grow older, I tend to rely on the computer more. I don't know :\ There is so much I can do on the net. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Youtube... (even though facebook is really dead nowadays) I will still stay on the net though it is boring and I have nothing to do. Yes, I know I'm weird.


I watched Hong Kong Criminal Files just now. It's the last episode, I think. The story is really heart-wrenching. A family who is poor, dad is jobless, 2 children are still studying, mom goes out to work as a dishwasher to earn just a few bucks a day, dad always gamble away money so keeps borrowing from loansharks and relatives and friends. Due to money dispute, dad killed daughter. But the daughter is never mad at her dad. In the end, daughter "consoles" (her spirit) dad and eventually dad turned in to the police himself.

I freaking teared. Uncontrollably. I don't know if I have a weak heart or what, I can tear quite easily while watching tv. (brother hardly) Somehow, the story just triggered my thoughts. (i know this is a public blog but whatever, you cant read it anyway unless...) I didn't like my dad for the fact that he always thinks that by confiscating my things, I'll listen to him. Didn't work out for me. I've always thought that he hates me because he never confiscates anything from brother. Now I think, do I really hate him? Because family is the most important gift from god. (fuck, im tearing again...)


2009 has been a really bad year, because it started me off from all the stupid cryings, mostly in my sleep. Then I lost my grandpa suddenly because I know I owe him alot and haven't repaid him. I also came to realise who my true friends are because all I can see are hypocrites everywhere, I cannot simply trust anyone out there, spit out my every thought to them... "A friend is a person you know well whom you regard with affection and trust." This is a really cruel world, with people of all sorts. One cannot easily trust people but at the same time, feelings cannot be bottled up.

I once thought I had depression (or maybe i really do) and really felt like killing myself because that's the best way to get rid of my fucked up life but life is just like this. I can't hide myself and run away from reality. I have to face it. I have to face it strongly.


I secretly know that 2010 will be the same as 2009 or maybe worse than that, but I sure do hope that things will better in 2010. At least there's something I need to do. Change myself to be a better person, not to cry like as if it's my hobby, to grow up (like seriously!!!) and be mature in my thinking.

It is time to look forward to something.


P/S: sorry for the emo post. promise a happier post next time!
P/P/S: wow this post is really long, and it's 2am already.

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